Waiting for the other shoe to drop? Here’s why.
It’s a common phrase people use when things are going really well: you’ve just gotten the promotion you’ve been waiting for; after years of trying, you’re pregnant; you’ve just moved in with your partner, and everything feels perfect. And then, that feeling shows up…
That “this is too good to be true” or “stress and turmoil must be just around the corner” kind of feeling. It’s what we call waiting for the other shoe to drop—the anticipation that something bad is about to happen. This mindset often stems from past traumatic experiences or anxiety-related issues, but it’s a perspective many of us adopt after repeatedly facing disappointment. It’s an unconscious, defeatist attitude that can rob us of the ability to fully enjoy life’s positive moments. Instead of relaxing into present joy, a part of us remains braced against the future.
So, how did you get here? How did this pattern of thinking and feeling take root?
When we wait for the other shoe to drop, it’s as if we’re expecting life to revert to its prior difficulties. We become so accustomed to disappointment or negativity that when something good happens, it feels fleeting or unreal. This is particularly true for those who have endured significant trauma. Waiting for the other shoe to drop may arise from being so familiar with difficult experiences that we unconsciously expect them—especially during life’s high points.
For example: was your last relationship at its best when a partner cheated on you? In your new relationship, you might interpret the honeymoon phase as a warning sign. Did your parents announce their divorce shortly after you got your first job? You might internalize the belief that life always flips from positive to negative.
This mindset is further reinforced by internal beliefs:
Core shame (I’m unworthy; I don’t deserve good things).
A punishing worldview (Good things don’t last; this is just a fluke).
Complicated relationships with religion (I must suffer to deserve good things; a higher power is testing me).
Scarcity thinking (Good fortune is temporary; happiness doesn’t last).
When these beliefs run deep, it can feel almost impossible to move beyond the fear of the next “bad thing.”
How to Stop Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop
While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, here are some steps to help break free from this pattern:
Acknowledge the feeling. Recognize that this feeling is normal and doesn’t mean something bad will happen. It’s simply an emotional reaction that you can work through.
Identify your underlying thoughts. Reflect on the beliefs driving this feeling. For instance, if you think “bad things always happen to me,” write down five good things that have happened this week—and five more next week. If you think “the good times won’t last,” focus on enjoying the present by engaging in favorite or new activities.
Work with a therapist. Ask your therapist about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). They can help you identify cognitive distortions and reframe these thoughts into more balanced perspectives.
Create daily space for self-reflection. Take time each day to step away from societal or familial expectations. Practice mindfulness, deep breathing, or meditation to observe your thoughts with greater distance and less self-identification.
Surround yourself with supportive people. Spend time with those who encourage you to embrace life’s joys. If you’re around people who reinforce a negative outlook, set boundaries and communicate how their perspective impacts you.
Practice self-compassion. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is emotionally exhausting. Beating yourself up for feeling this way only compounds the difficulty. Treat yourself with kindness and patience, even when it’s hard.
Waiting for the other shoe to drop is a common experience. With time, awareness, and support, you can shift this mindset and begin to embrace life’s positive moments without bracing against their arrival. Life is full of joys waiting to be lived—one step at a time.
